Sunday, January 31, 2016

Help Me, If It's Not a Burden

Those who are truly depressed don't want to ask for help because they feel like they're a burden to their friends and family. I know that story, this isn't my first round in this fight.
I'm currently at the stage where I feel like I'm a burden, people could care less, and they'll ridicule me. I know it's not true,  bit it's very convincing. The people who I want to confide to, that I want in my corner are either busy, have enough on their plate or want nothing to do with me. That's why I'm in this mindset.
The cause this time could be a number of things. Chemical imbalance is the main guess. Ongoing stress in my life could also be a contributer. The trifecta is rejection from the people I want in life. Basic rejection is easy to deal with but being rejected by someone I've become attached to just rips you apart.
At the moment I've been rejected by the last woman I've loved, a best friend, someone I've admired for his lifestyle and finally my son.  The first and the last are the worst blows. Those have been making me want to detach from the world the most. My "best friend" really does have enough on her plate and it's only going to get worse, my issues are irrelevant. Everything else can be dealt with.
I can go back to my old ways. I can't mediate, I can't have sex to dull it out although that is the easiest way to deal with it,  minus the guilt that follows, and I can't run away from it. I need to find other avenues.

The question is what can I do?  Go work out at the gym?  I'm paying for a membership for some reason. Let's see if that helps?

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